We are getting some late breaking news coming in, folks. My source on the inside (who I definitely haven’t paid) has confirmed that season 34 is going to be Second Chance 2! Also, instead of taking place in Fiji, we are going back to Samoa!
Hold the applause please.
(Before you get too far ahead, if this is your first time here, feel free to check out my running diary of the day of the Survivor Cambodia finale and the after party!)
Official song for 34. Please, someone make a “Going Back to Samoa” version for me. Thanks!
Anyway, I know you ALL came here for the leaked casting spoilers for Survivor season 34. But before you do, we are going to be starting a newsletter, and yes our very own Patron group. So please sign up here! Also, thinking about a new fresh name for the website I’ll be building. How do the following sound?
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Inside The Survivor Insiders
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OK! The time is here. On to the casting spoilers!
My source told me that Survivor and CBS was so thrilled with how Survivor Cambodia turned out and how big of a turd Koh Rong is they decided to fire up the second chance machine again for another go round. Also, everyone seems to love all the casting choices nowadays, so Jeff was insistent on bringing a lot of the recent players back.
ALSO, casting follows Twitter, Reddit and every Survivor blog known to man, so they were cognizant about what the fans wanted. PLUS, casting loves all the threads that pop up on Survivor Sucks and other boards about a potential first boot season or all pre-merge people coming back for another go round. IN ADDITION they LOVE all the fan pages like this one where past contestants plead for a second chance.
Caleb Reynolds unfortunately isn’t coming back. They knew they had a legend when Caleb first stepped on that beach in Cambodia so they are saving him for season 35 legends and season 36 Third Chances.
OK here are your second chancers!
From all the way back in Australia, come on down Debb Eaton, Mad Dog Hershey and Kel Gleason! Asked why it was time for his second chance now, Kel simply replied, “I think it’s time that all of America knows that I’m not just the beef jerky guy. I’ve got a lot to prove out there. I can smuggle a ton of other stuff into the game besides jerky.”
From Africa, welcome back Carl the Dentist and Linda Spencer! My source said that Lynn Spillman was insistent on bringing back Linda just because of the famous cow blood drinking photo.
From Marquesas, the must haves were obviously Hunter Ellis who did some permanent damage to Jeff’s boner back in the day and Sarah Jones who was the apple in the eyes of so many pubescent boys all across America. Also, coming back from that season is Zoe Zanidakis. Asked why Zoe, Jeff said, “I know I know, she made the merge, but we LOVED her name. Plus, we needed a Z first name for this special season.”
No one from Thailand or Amazon surprisingly, but casting thought they really hit pay dirt with Vanuatu and Palau. Welcome back to your TV sets, Dolly Neely, Bubba Sampson, Angie Jakusz, James Miller and Ibrehem Rahman! Wondering why so many greats, hunks and babes were left off from these seasons, Jeff said, “I love the intangibles these people brought to the game. They were all such losers that we thought we couldn’t possibly lose when casting them again!”
Skipping all the way to Micronesia, Joel Anderson and Chet Welch! Asked for comment from Mark Burnett, he supposedly said, “no comment.”
And finally, the last five in Second Chance 2 just so happen to be from Kaoh Rong! Come on down Darnell Hamilton, Jennifer Lanzetti, Liz Markham, Alecia Holden and Anna Khait!
Asked why so few people from seasons 11-30 Jeff supposedly just said, “this is the fucking cast. This is who we thought deserved a second chance. It’s not about how deserving people were, or how hard they tried out there or if they got screwed. We went with the people the fans wanted. No vote this time unfortunately, but we know this is who the fans wanted!”
Anyway, that’s the list guys. Hope you enjoy my sleuthing. Looking forward to doing my weekly power rankings with Keith Tollefson and Whintey Duncan!